So last month the outlook was rosy. Well, now it’s grim. Or, at the very least, less rosy.
Basically, I had a full-on panic attack last month. It really came out of nowhere, and it was so unexpected that I genuinely thought I was having a heart attack or something. I went to the ER for the first time in over a decade and they were pretty much like, “Yeah, it seems like it was a panic attack” after running a bunch of tests and finding nothing wrong with my heart. So now I’m on new meds and that’s kind of screwing with me. On top of that, I’ve been having headaches pretty regularly, which is deeply concerning and I need to investigate that, because I gotta admit, a brain tumor would really fuck things up for me.
As a result of all this, production stumbled, obviously. I’m in the home stretch of finishing up Part II of The DOOM Chronicles - Episode Three and I intend to at least push forward and wrap that up soon.
Once that’s done, I think I may need to reassess my immediate plans. The reason is twofold. The first being the stress of the new situation, the second is a bit more complicated.
So I’ve been working on what you might call my ‘memoirs’ since May, basically just recounting my own personal history, with a specific emphasis on fan fiction. I finally decided to launch it last month. I’ve been having fun with it, partially because I can make cool cover art for old ideas or ideas I never got around to and never will. But it’s caused me to remember a lot of stuff, and one of those things was the simple pleasure of just, you know, writing a story. Something that isn’t part of some massive series, something that won’t necessarily become some massive 100,000+ word project. Something written simply to recapture the magic I felt while playing a video game.
The problem there is that the last time I tried this we got And There Was Another, which swelled to over 150,000 words, took 15 months to write, and is now a planned trilogy that is part of a shared universe.
Despite this, I’ve been really stressed out, and I’ve been tossing around the idea of just writing something with a bit more spontaneity. Unfortunately I’m feeling rather indecisive at the moment, so I just don’t know what’s going to happen. I’ve at least got an idea of what I want to write, and it’s very different from everything else I’ve written in terms of setting, and for a game that not a lot of people seemed to have liked, but I loved.
So…I don’t know. Wish me luck. I’ll get it figured out, and hopefully I’ll be okay.