So April sucked too. Honestly, I wish I had something to sort of latch onto. Like some actual reason why it sucked. Or shit, maybe I don’t. That’d probably be worse.
In a way, it kind of feels like a situation I’ve often described in my action/horror stories. The scenes where the characters are headed somewhere, usually to do something important, and it’s eerily silent, but it shouldn’t be. They know monsters are around, but they can’t see them. And they know they could pop out at any second, and yet they don’t.
If the monsters would just come out, they could shoot them. That’s a threat that’s obvious and can be faced head-on in a fashion they already know how to do. Sure it’s dangerous, but it’s something they’ve done before and know they can replicate.
It’s the waiting that sucks, and the not knowing if something terrible is waiting around the corner…or if all the monsters have gone home and you’re just jumping at shadows.
I had another COVID scare last month, but thankfully, again, it turned out to be nothing. I’m scheduled to get my first shot within the next week.
I got my dental work done…only to learn I’ve developed MORE cavities that need to be filled in. So that’s gotta be tackled. I fucking hate dental work, even though it’s honestly not that bad.
In general, there was just a lot of anxiety problems and mood swings in April. Also insomnia and pain and, at times, anhedonia. If you don’t know what that is, in short it means “People who experience anhedonia have lost interest in activities they used to enjoy and have a decreased ability to feel pleasure.”
It’s really, really fucking difficult to set any kind of routine or make any kind of progress when you don’t give a single shit about basically anything half the time and you’re absolutely fucking desperately to just BE INTERESTED IN SOMETHING. You leap from thing to thing, hoping it sparks even a TINY bit of joy.
I’m trying to fight it and keep it away but it’s a very difficult battle.
Anyway, I hope to actually try and get some work done on Not Alone 3 this month, and I have been feeling the flickers of inspiration to actually start working on DOOM again, so that’s been nice. I’ll likely pick it back up this month, but barring that, I’ll make myself do it in June. I have so many ideas and the only way they’re going to get done is to do them, on way or another.